SLex Workers and Slex Curtains

I think Second Life shouldn't be all about clubs.  There are loads of things to do and see that don't involve sex or saying Woot in a club. Or is there?
During my travels i am starting to chat with people who do other things, but i think its also time to point out how often i attract the crazies of the grid.

On Saturday I muted my first crazy person since I've been back. I never usually mute people cause i like to drag out the ridiculousness of a bad conversation, for comedy. Or if its a fight/argument, i will always have to have the last word and ill be muted first.
It all started with me having a quiet coffee and skimming through the job classifieds. Then I went out to some of the places that were advertising jobs.

I thought id give pole dancing a go, so i i went out to get a job as a dancer, how hard could it be?
Application forms??? Voice chat?? Sex Cams??DNA?? Hmmm, fuck, that's too much hassle, I just wanna dance on a pole.
While visiting one of these fine establishments, i received an IM from a guy who's chat up line immediately started with him telling me he had an illness/disability in rl. This is always a sign that things are going to get dirty or to make up for the weirdness that was to follow or make me feel sorry for him.

He got down to business very quickly and asked me if i would like to play with my real life feet for him?? He also wanted to know how flexible i was,ya know, to see if i could put my foot in my 'Hoo Haa' for him !!  All I could think about was being a worker in the place he was in AND he had 'no payment info on file'???  How was he paying these women for this shit? Was he using his supposed disability to get off for free?? Probably.  I couldn't be arsed messing with him and hit mute. While i'm on the subject and if he is reading this, i don't care if your head is hanging of or what illness you have, don't ask me to get you off and if i was, I wouldn't be doing it free. I don't think being an SLex worker is the job for me. I would get fired in minutes.

Most of the time doing normal stuff in SL turns out not to be so normal. I went out shopping with a friend. Sex Gen furniture shopping./ME ROLLS EYES (Not for my house) Suppose you kinda need a good friend with you when shopping for Sex furniture. I was shocked that the store was nicely laid out and wasn't tacky but i  was a bit sad there wasn't a naked noob chasing everyone with a prim dick like years ago. Anyone remember those crazies?
Anyway, The store was empty, so i happily offered to help try out the various beds and stuff on sale, fully dressed, of course. I have no idea what he gets up to in his spare time. Everything seemed very innocent looking. In the old days you just knew when something was Sex related. I cant explain it but you just knew.

Its Second Life and if you don't nearly pee yourself laughing at something every time you log in, you are missing out. I completely lost it and nearly died laughing when i saw this shop sold Sex Curtains.

So there i was playing with a set of sex curtains wondering, what the actual fuck? Would some guy ever get me near his sex curtains? Would he say, "would you like a go on my Sex Curtains?"
 Who the fuck actually has sex on or beside the curtains??

They had pretty much sex everything. Sex washing machines, sex ironing boards etc I left him shopping and had to log into rl, i think he bought one of everything but not the sex curtains but probably only cause his Man Cave has no windows.

Lots of love
Natalie xx

TOP 36 MOST ANNOYING THINGS IN SL

I decided id go out and about around the events that were going on at the weekend and its a shame to say they were all shit. I have never seen so many ugly clubs or places in my SLife. Thing is, there are some really beautiful club/bars/places to hang out in and they are aesthetically gorgeous but they are empty. I don't get it. Look at this place, i mean why is it empty?

I think i entered someones property and something really bad happened here. If this is your SL house you are a psychopath. But a very creative one. We would be great friends.

 As i swooshed around the grid looking for a story, it made me realise the things i hated about SL, so i thought id compile a list. It was supposed to be the Top 20 but i got carried away. Here goes.

1. People who say 'woot woot' in clubs should be clubbed to death

2. Men who do /me grins. Stop. Its creepy as fuck.

3. Women who '/me looks at' guys in public, especially in clubs. Is that supposed to be the SL way of looking romantically across the dance floor??
Example - Suzie gazes at Sammy. Sammy loving gazes back at Suzie??
Wise up. Just IM each other in private.

4. Dance huds that make everyone dance the same. What are we doing here, Zumba?

5. Single dance huds that make you look like a drunk hooker, sprawling on the floor and doing the splits.

6. Blue drop down messages in stores that keep coming the entire time you are in the store.

7. Group invites were you have to pay to join!! Yeah like fuck

8. Bots who look like real avatars. Stop. I try to talk to these when I'm drunk.

9. People who offer a teleport with no explanation as soon as you log in.
No, the world and my SLife does not revolve around you, so sit down and behave yourself.

10.Rezday parties.

11.Saying Woot at a Rezday party.

12. People totally naked trying on demos in stores. Stop it. Get the demo and take it home to your house.

13. People running around in giant cat, bear, unicorn outfits etc - you are a very complex puzzle to me, but i don't have the time to find out what makes your brain tick and you don't have to tell me.

14. Profiles that say "Only God can judge me"
Nope, I am judging you now, dick bag.

15. People who IM you randomly to tell you that something is wrong with you body.
Ok, ok, so i lost my teeth and my mouth wont stay shut , i was drunk ill work it out later.

16. Sl voice chat "Can ya hear me?" "Hello can ya hear me now?"I hate talking. People realise I'm just as ridiculous in rl,  if not more.

17. SL Pregnancy bellies that talk - i haven't saw
any recently. Must have been a 2010 thing

18. Sl Kids - adults who pretend to be kids need a good slap

19. Gor Role players who have never read a book and don't know who John Norman is.

20. Sl fashion shows - yawn

21. SL Art Galleries. Seriously, stop paying to have your gallery to come up in the classified. It comes up between Cum Dumsters and Cashino Slingo.

21. People who have numbers in their name

22. Gov Linden houses :(

23. Hitting detach all by mistake

24. Hooker shoes

25. Women and Men who assume having a dance means you're a couple!!!

26. Men who IM other women on SL dates and vice versa.

27. Having how many days you have been on sl on the Profile and imagining how many Lindens you have spent.

28. SLingo rules and 'How to Play' Note Cards. They make no sense at all.

29. Phil Linden never responding to my partnering requests

30.People who complain they can only be in 25 groups. If you need to be in more then you need to log of.

31. Places and people who put up yellow ban lines around their places so we cant see in. It just makes me more nosy about what your doing and ill just cam in and see what you're up to

32. Stores and clubs that ask if they can use your profile for their store greeting board. Firstly, no you cant. Secondly, why?

33. Dresses that people can click on to make your tits fall out

34. Fat packs- why do i want the same dress in 10 different colours?

35. Mesh everything. It was so much easier the old way and if mesh is so 2020 and everyone looks amazing why cant we have nice places to match.

36. Lastly, the people who take everything so seriously. I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything i say seriously, then you’re stupid.

Lots of love
Natalie xx

The SL Profile

Today i finally gave in and started using the Firestorm viewer. I hadn't used it because i kinda wanted a clean break from the way it was 13 years ago. My reason for the change? To be able to access peoples profiles quickly and efficiently.
I loooooovvvvveee reading peoples profiles and i have to say not much has changed, if anything its gotten worse.
You can tell so much from just reading a profile and some people, especially old SL clothing designers who now make shitty stuff, are just absolute wankers. Now i want to emphasize the word SOME, because everyone gets their panties in a bunch.
Trust me, if you're one of these wankers I am talking about, you will know and I've probably called you one to your face at some point.

Imagine going in real life store and asking the owner a question and they snapped at you, told you to write a letter or send an email, you would just walk out, right?
Whats with the SL Profile Bio messages??

 " DO NOT MESSAGE ME please read my profile before contacting me."

" Don't IM me, please send a NC." or the old classic, " Don't IM ,My IM gets capped"
 No it doesn't get capped, you twat. 100 people didn't contact you in 24 hrs, your clothes are shit, who you trying to kid? And no, i wont take a fucking number and send a NC, I just wont buy from your store.
So creators and designers, especially the oldies, who do you think you are? A fucking Kardashian? Get better at customer service and be thankful people buy your stuff. If ya cant, just fuck off.

Now for the regular profiles. Some are brilliantly witty while others are just shit. I've always struggled to write mine cause if i wrote the truth, i wouldn't have any friends. I'm an acquired taste as a friend. I kinda invade peoples hearts and steal them. Then they are my people and are stuck with me.

My all time favourite is when people write stupid shit like “Stay out of my profile” or “Quit stalking my profile”. Question for you assholes? Does it really piss you off when people read your profile? Well here is a bit of advice from me, a profile stalker. Just leave it blank. No wait, no one cares. Just log off SL, delete your account and fuck off!

Finally i get to the picks. This was added years ago to show people the places you loved in Second life. There used to be another function were you could score people who you liked best. People could score you as a nice person or a dick. They took that off and people started using the picks for their people.

I take my picks section very serious. Ya see not many people have ever added me to their picks. Years ago when i owned the SL gutter press, i had a lot of friends. I knew a lot of them weren't real friends and didn't want anyone to know they talked to me. Being in someones Picks is a big deal for me.
Recently SL fate brought me a new friend. I send him goofy, stupid gifts from Sl Marketplace and he carries me home when i'm drunk and helps me when i break my body. I was stunned when i saw i was in his picks, like really stunned. I don't think he realized what a big deal it  was and how it made me all emotional....but only a little bit cause my body didn't come with an SL heart or a brain and maybe its better that way.
Lots of love
Natalie xx