Safari, SLingo and Systems

 These stories are about what i do, so i reckoned i better drag my SL ass of a sun lounger and go do something.

My day started of very positive and i took myself out to a SL Safari Park. I packed myself a virtual picnic (with alcohol) and headed of for a day in the SLun. (Morning/Midday settings)
The Safari park didn't disappoint and i couldn't help cross my fingers in hope i would meet Joe Exotic there, but i didn't.

This place was great and of course the more i drank the better it was. I could close my eyes and imagine being on the plains of Africa.

 My excitement peaked when i found out i could rent a bike and cycle around the park......and surrounding rest areas. I'm so sorry to the people who i think were having intimate animated relations in the swimming pool. It was a mix of lag and vodka that caused me to accidentally ride my bike into your pool

It was the funniest moment of the day but alas, no pic cause i was too busy laughing.
The place was great and here is the LM.

http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/St.%20Martin/177/170/23


Now this was the point when i should have not had another drink and just went to my bed. I could have done that, but id didn't..... I stole a bike and like E.T i rode of into the sunset.

I went to Cashino Gaming , lost a shoe? and got addicted to SLingo. I had forgotten how much i loved it and hated it at the same time.
I remembered playing Poker years ago in SL, before they banned it They called it 'a game of chance'. Poker is not a Game of chance
Apparently Slingo is a game of skill so its legal??? I have no idea how clicking a button while a random number generator works is skill?? I was given a note-card on how to play this 'Game of Skill' but like every other instruction manual in SL, i threw it into the wind. As i clicked away at the buttons I couldn't help think, 'this machines broken'.

As my day was coming to a close i found my shoe and headed over to Muddys to dance with some friends. Now whats the deal with the SL modern woman??
Out of the blue a woman just randomly IM'd me to tell me i looked all blotchy and she even sent me a pic!!!! I didn't know this person, she was a complete stranger!!! What type of weirdo does this? She was apparently being helpful!!!! Would you do this is real life, just walk across a dance floor and tell someone they looked weird? No, ya wouldn't
Its rude, bitchy and the reason why i don't have many SL girlfriends.
I wasn't at all alarmed with my potential body issues, i knew what was wrong.
I had already sorted this problem with a friend a week previously. He had assumed there was something wrong with my alpha layers or body blah, blah.
After an hour of attaching and detaching we realised there was nothing wrong with me and that my friend had to adjust his graphic settings to Ultra or Advanced.
I took great pleasure in telling this helpful 'do gooder' that if she adjusted her settings she would be able to stalk me, whoops, i mean see me, just fine.
If you're reading this I hope you are mortified and as a bitch you are one of the best have ever met in SL.
How dare you quiz me on what body or skin i had? SUCK IT UP, YOUR SYSTEM IS SHIT. I could have been nasty there ans the but i am trying to be good and behave myself.
My friends could see me just fine and i guess that's how its just meant to be.

I got bored still listen to her prattle on about graphics cards, settings blah, blah and i went home. She was still typing as i climbed in my sl bed and shut of the lights /me snores
Lots of love
Natalie xx

You're so Vain, i bet you think this columns about you

Since i came back on Sl i have had six people just IM out if the blue, right as soon as i log on. All complete strangers. Three have been women. Stange women. Women dont casually IM other strange women. Its just not done. This isnt my first time around the grid. So whoever yas all are, trying to be BFFs, aint happening.

(i know every spy hud there was on the market and ways you can see when people are online)

I always rez at my home, so this type of behaviour makes alarm bells ring for me.
Im a very suspicious person and today i had a conversation with a guy who was having a rough time.
At the start i felt sorry for him and im trying to be a better, nicer person so i chatted. Then i thought whoa, how did you just randomly IM me and you were born 2 days ago? I jumped up was locking windows and doors and adding the person to the banlist at my house.
Now normally i would just mute these people but as i said, im trying to change and be a good person.
His profile was spilling with how he was loving and romantic. How he was deep and caring blah, blah, blah. Basically this guy was one sentence away from getting his first period.

I relaxed a bit as realised all my old stalkers are dead or bankrupt and i listened to his problems anyway.

He was trying to make new friends in SL but no one would go near him with a ten foot prim. He asked could he come to my house but i said nah. He asked why no one would let him chat or give him romance. I told him to drop the love and romance from his profile for a start and just explore the grid ob his own but he was desperate for love.
Why would no one love this guy?
Its because we are shallow fuckers, me included. SL hasnt changed from years ago, its the same, if not worse.
I explained in the best way possible way about how much time and money goes into creating a Second Life and that he hadnt tried then no one would take him serious or trust him. They would think he was an alt. He said he had no intention of spending money and would find a good woman somewhere who didnt care about money just love. I suggested he get suited and booted and head over to GOR and buy a few Kajira (slaves)
After the convo i felt a teeny bit guilty. Is it wrong to judge someone based in how hard they have worked on looking good? Is it wrong to judge someone on their house or how serious they take their Second Life?
I went over it my head and the answer was YES. 100%, absolutley, YES. If im gonna bust my ass to look decent, then i expect the same. I really hadn't change in 13 years, im still a bitch. Aww well.
I told Mr Noob, who was still asking me my rl age, bra size, blood group, DNA to go to the Second Life welcome place and he would meet like minded noobs and noobettes there he could play with. If he did or not ill never know or care.
Anyway back to my old security systems. I had the very best in gadgets 8 years ago, so im gonna go out and do a review on whats available in 2020. No bombs this time.
 Oh and if you dId know you in my past SLife and you know i loathe the ground your feet walk on, i hope you're bankrupt and living in a sandbox.....and this column wasnt about you.
Lots of love
Natalie xx

WHAT IS THE LAW?

Since it looks like im staying a while, i thought it would be a good idea to read the Second Life TOS, just incase anything had changed.
 You would assume it all be pretty much the same as years ago, but no.
Few are as familiar with the TOS as Rawly and i were.( Rawly if you are reading this please come back, i miss you) There wasnt a Sunday morning went by when one of us didnt receive the dreaded LL email to say our account had been suspended for 3 day or 5 days. It was always for something silly and funny. However, its all fun and games until you cant log in and you have a massive shoe collection that it might be deleted!
There was a big shake up around 2010 that i had completely forgotten about . Not many of you will know that Second Life  was once stricly over 18. If you have ever visited Bukkake Bliss, you will know why.
They had a Teen Second Life for kids and to be honest, it was probably a paedos paradise.
Around 2009 they started making us verify our accounts with pics of our passports to prove our age. Then the Teen SL closed and our world became flooded with 16 year olds.
I could spot the teens a mile away
Ive had loads of fun dates on sl, but i noticed after they let the teens on the main grid the conversations with guys changed. It kinda went from a normal flirtatious conversation to this.
He said Hi. I said Hi back. He asked how I was, and I said I was brill. He asked if I had a real life picture he could have, I said no.He sent a dick pic. I laughed. He asked for a titty pic. I said no. He asked me if I had a webcam, I said WTF? He then realised I have had in sl since 2006 and then presumed I would have lots of dirty sordid stories to tell him. I presumed he had already got a hard on and was playing with himself as i slapping his mucky virtual hands from sliding up my virtual dress. It was around this time i left. I joined Second Life not Tinder.

So for all you kiddies there is a whole piece in the TOS about if your 16 you have to behave, but unfortunely it doesnt say anything about telling someone you are 16. Just something to think about, cause ive already been asked about 10 times if im a woman in real life? Yes i am, but im also a pitbull terrier in designer heels, so fuck off.

I was very happy to see LL finally have a bit in there now about "age play". I was very much known as a vigilante years ago and frequently tracked down, exposed and reported many paedophiles. You might be surprised but the place was full of them. It was people pretending to be kids and other weird fucked up stuff. I had some very disturbing conversations with both men and woman.
I even got banned for copy/pasting a conversaruon i had with one of them!!! He reported me and reported him for the actual convo and being a paedophile. I got a 3 day vacation to Ban City and he probably still roamed the grid.

On a lighter note, i noticed the SL Police Blotter is gone. This was a place on the Second Life site that would show you how many crimes had been commited that day. What the crime was and the penalty. It was hilarious. Although not so much fun if you were on it.
Could it really be so? Has grid crime been completely stamped out? Or are SL criminals just getting smarter and not getting caught?

Ok, so im off for more exploring. I wanna say thank you to all the lovely people who i chat with at Muddys Music Cafe and who have laughed at and encouraged me to write my column. You guys are brill :)

Lots of Love
Natalie xx

Oh the places you can go -SL Paparazzi

Tp'ing around the grid on my own is my most favourite thing to do. Ive seen a lot of you out and about, and you say hi. Always say it with your fingers on the keyboard cause i rarely listen to chat. Im not shy id just rather listen to music. My music.

Im old school Sl. We didn’t really have chat back when i was a young thing. Back when dinosaurs roamed the grid. Think im joking, i have a full size prim T Rex in my inventory. Why? I like to drink on sl and shop.

When the voice chat thing came in we spent hours going, " can ya hear me? Can ya hear me now? Hello??? You there??."
I hate it. It has no place in my Second Life although i have a small group of beautiful friends who i do chat with,  cause they force me.

Ive shopped a lot this week. Shopping in sl is very different than years ago. There doesnt seem to be fashion shows, couture or annoying models, and i love it.
Or maybe there is and ive yet to discover a whole new level of shallow egomaniacs.

If you are having a fashion show, with sl models, you might get the urge to contact me to come write about and photograph them, like i did years ago Heres the deal. Please for the love of god, dont invite me. I hate all that stupid shit.

All the clothing  in sl is now very revealing.
While I’m known for my sometimes unruley, unladylike, unshockable behaviour, I’m still not getting used to seeing my arse hanging out the back of my dresses. Or having someone click the front of my dress and my tits falling out  Is this a thing now?

While we are talking about tits and arses, I think some of ya'll need an intervention. Love me or hate me for saying it, but someone has to. What’s the thing with the big giant arses a lot of you ladies seem to love? Now im not talking like a big booty and talking about really stupid ones. Some of them are so ridiculous they are going to need their own name tag soon. Yoir arses will need their own account ffs.

Moving on to Name Tags. Can someone help out a poor old sl woman? People say Hi and i don’t know what to call most of them . They have so many letters, symbols and emoji’s, I’m thinking were do i start here. The best name i have seen so far was Lo Exotic.

So if you see me out and about around the grid say hello and we can take a selfie, name tag included.

Lots of love
Natalie xx

Bad Girl Gone Good - Does Everything have to Change?

The title of this column pretty much sums up my SLife up over these last few weeks. Returning from my 8 year hiatus has been eventful. Its also been as tragic as it was 13 years ago when i started this column in the SlNewspaper.
OK so, hmm, where do i start?

When I logged on after a long time away, i thought I was still as gorgeous as id been 8 years ago. Id been Sl famous. I had owned slinworldtoday.com, Second Life's dirty gutter, gossip, funny press ( that everyone loved to hate).
I had nut job stalkers, Second Life avatars threatening to sue me, i had people threaten to kill me, someone was getting Interpol to come for me in real life. I even had a Gorean Ubar Ex husband put out a capture or kill bounty on my head in SL cause i left.
Then i  had the lovely people who would stop me when i was shopping to say hello. I had my best friend and partner in crime, Rawly and together we caused mayhem. I don't think Second Life will ever get over Rawlys column about his new ALT Detector he had bought. Totally made up but Sl Marketplace nearly crashed with everyone rushing to buy one
Just as you would expect the fame took its toll and id had enough. Id actually found out what it must be like for real famous people and it kinda sucked.

For me being in Second life is about living a Second Life. Its not real. Its Natalie's world and these are her stories.

I never really meant to log on and stay on, but you know what its like when the grid gets its teeth in you  Before i knew it was standing in one of Gov Linden homes, wondering why it kinda looked like jail cell and crying cause not one of my 400 pairs of old sl shoes would fit anymore.

Most of my friends from the old world are, well, SL dead. The ones who are still here greeted me with hugs and a chorus of, "We are so glad you’re back, but eek, you need to go mesh. Have you seen Mesh now? Everyone is mesh now darling. You need to be Mesh, you need Mesh feet."
Mesh? I hadn't a clue. WTF was this Mesh thing??
Anyone who read my columns years back will know, i was never very good at even rezzing houses or building stuff, so this mesh thing would be an adventure

I decided i wouldn’t leave the luxurious surroundings of the Gov Linden prefab (ya couldn't swing a prim in) and that id go onto the trusted SL marketplace.
First thing i bought was new SL feet from Slink. Why? Cause they were the first ones i saw. Within 10 mins of buying them and wearing them, id lost them. I lost my own legs. How does that even happen?

I took a deep breath and ventured out on to the grid, floating legless into Slink main store.
What struck me was that this place was packed full of avatars. All naked in demos. I was horrified!  You wouldn't have saw that years ago. People took their demos back home. They got naked in their sl homes and done the demos in private, but things seemed to have changed. For me though, I don’t think if ill ever be ready to get my coochie out in an Sl shop
Anyway, i grabbed a classic mesh bundle and crawled back on my hands( cause i had no knees lol) to my Gov Linden padded cell and put on my new mesh body. I thought i was gorgeous, once i thought id worked it out.

Looking fabulous ( or so i thought) i went exploring the grid and started to think maybe there had been some sort of apocalypses because there was no one anywhere. All my old LMs didn't work, so i found new places.
First place i found changed my SLife. Now that is a huge statement coming from me, but let me explain.
 It was Saturday night and id had a few vodka's. I ended up in Racks Gentlemen Club. Surprised? Don’t be. It was because a guy with a full Slash from Guns n' Roses Mesh Avatar. I hadn't been so excited since i met a Captain Jack Sparrow in 2008. So there i was, knocking back vodka and  trying to flirt with Slash, but he wouldn’t reply.
Looking back I think he might have just been a bot or a statue or a poster.....

Anyway, i got talking to the only other person there, the dancer on the pool table. I tipped her a few times, but the nosy journo in me just wanted to know and understand why she was on her own, dancing on a table? If no one comes into a club do they still have to dance just looking at their screen or can they go make dinner in rl?? I was curious??
Now, this is were it went a bit weird cause i didn’t know if she was being bitchy and nasty or helpful. Maybe she thought i was being bitchy, but she told me i was ugly!!! I spat my vodka all over my screen!!!
She said i wouldn’t even get a job as a stripper in sl cause my body and hair was so bad.
I thought id sorted myself, i thought i was gorgeous!!! Then she said i looked like a "Noob" and that men didn’t like girls who had old prim hair?? She obviously didn’t know any sl men i ever met, cause they wouldn’t have cared if you wore a bin bag over your head, but hey, everything had changed.

 For the first time in my SL i politely thanked her for her helpful advice and left. Years ago i might have cause a bar room murder scene and been escorted to the ban line, but i thought id change, since this is kinda the new way of doing things.

I’m going to admit, i was drunk. Too drunk and i should have went home to my nice new beach house and went to bed(Gov Lindens grey jail cell wasn't my scene) But i didn’t.

The next morning i woke up, logged in SL and i was just a pair of eyes and a name tag. I'm such an airhead i went and made coffee waiting for myself to rez......15mins went by. Then the feeling of dread crept in. The floor of my house was covered in bags and boxes (and empty bottles). Whilst under the influence of too much alcohol, I had left Racks Gentleman's Club and went body shopping.

It soon dawned on me that i had lost my body. I was amazed that someone could push my buttons enough for me to try and conform and look acceptable to the new Sl community. Yet here i was just a pair of creepy eyes and a name. I went back to bed, admitted defeat and watched a lot of you tube tutorials on how to fix the problem.

It took me a week running in and out of all these different shops. Body shops, Head shops, Face shops, more Skin shops, Hair shops, it was endless but finally i got there.
 I even saw the Werewolf from the film 'An American Werewolf in London' at Etre and Doux. I have no idea if he bought his hair there or was maybe going for a new look, who knows?

The message is clear oldies and newbies. The place has changed. Get gorgeous or go home :)
Lots of love
Natalie xx