The title of this column pretty much sums up my SLife up over these last few weeks. Returning from my 8 year hiatus has been eventful. Its also been as tragic as it was 13 years ago when i started this column in the SlNewspaper.
OK so, hmm, where do i start?
When I logged on after a long time away, i thought I was still as gorgeous as id been 8 years ago. Id been Sl famous. I had owned slinworldtoday.com, Second Life's dirty gutter, gossip, funny press ( that everyone loved to hate).
I had nut job stalkers, Second Life avatars threatening to sue me, i had people threaten to kill me, someone was getting Interpol to come for me in real life. I even had a Gorean Ubar Ex husband put out a capture or kill bounty on my head in SL cause i left.
Then i had the lovely people who would stop me when i was shopping to say hello. I had my best friend and partner in crime, Rawly and together we caused mayhem. I don't think Second Life will ever get over Rawlys column about his new ALT Detector he had bought. Totally made up but Sl Marketplace nearly crashed with everyone rushing to buy one
Just as you would expect the fame took its toll and id had enough. Id actually found out what it must be like for real famous people and it kinda sucked.
For me being in Second life is about living a Second Life. Its not real. Its Natalie's world and these are her stories.
I never really meant to log on and stay on, but you know what its like when the grid gets its teeth in you Before i knew it was standing in one of Gov Linden homes, wondering why it kinda looked like jail cell and crying cause not one of my 400 pairs of old sl shoes would fit anymore.
Most of my friends from the old world are, well, SL dead. The ones who are still here greeted me with hugs and a chorus of, "We are so glad you’re back, but eek, you need to go mesh. Have you seen Mesh now? Everyone is mesh now darling. You need to be Mesh, you need Mesh feet."
Mesh? I hadn't a clue. WTF was this Mesh thing??
Anyone who read my columns years back will know, i was never very good at even rezzing houses or building stuff, so this mesh thing would be an adventure
I decided i wouldn’t leave the luxurious surroundings of the Gov Linden prefab (ya couldn't swing a prim in) and that id go onto the trusted SL marketplace.
First thing i bought was new SL feet from Slink. Why? Cause they were the first ones i saw. Within 10 mins of buying them and wearing them, id lost them. I lost my own legs. How does that even happen?
I took a deep breath and ventured out on to the grid, floating legless into Slink main store.
What struck me was that this place was packed full of avatars. All naked in demos. I was horrified! You wouldn't have saw that years ago. People took their demos back home. They got naked in their sl homes and done the demos in private, but things seemed to have changed. For me though, I don’t think if ill ever be ready to get my coochie out in an Sl shop
Anyway, i grabbed a classic mesh bundle and crawled back on my hands( cause i had no knees lol) to my Gov Linden padded cell and put on my new mesh body. I thought i was gorgeous, once i thought id worked it out.
Looking fabulous ( or so i thought) i went exploring the grid and started to think maybe there had been some sort of apocalypses because there was no one anywhere. All my old LMs didn't work, so i found new places.
First place i found changed my SLife. Now that is a huge statement coming from me, but let me explain.
It was Saturday night and id had a few vodka's. I ended up in Racks Gentlemen Club. Surprised? Don’t be. It was because a guy with a full Slash from Guns n' Roses Mesh Avatar. I hadn't been so excited since i met a Captain Jack Sparrow in 2008. So there i was, knocking back vodka and trying to flirt with Slash, but he wouldn’t reply.
Looking back I think he might have just been a bot or a statue or a poster.....
Anyway, i got talking to the only other person there, the dancer on the pool table. I tipped her a few times, but the nosy journo in me just wanted to know and understand why she was on her own, dancing on a table? If no one comes into a club do they still have to dance just looking at their screen or can they go make dinner in rl?? I was curious??
Now, this is were it went a bit weird cause i didn’t know if she was being bitchy and nasty or helpful. Maybe she thought i was being bitchy, but she told me i was ugly!!! I spat my vodka all over my screen!!!
She said i wouldn’t even get a job as a stripper in sl cause my body and hair was so bad.
I thought id sorted myself, i thought i was gorgeous!!! Then she said i looked like a "Noob" and that men didn’t like girls who had old prim hair?? She obviously didn’t know any sl men i ever met, cause they wouldn’t have cared if you wore a bin bag over your head, but hey, everything had changed.
For the first time in my SL i politely thanked her for her helpful advice and left. Years ago i might have cause a bar room murder scene and been escorted to the ban line, but i thought id change, since this is kinda the new way of doing things.
I’m going to admit, i was drunk. Too drunk and i should have went home to my nice new beach house and went to bed(Gov Lindens grey jail cell wasn't my scene) But i didn’t.
The next morning i woke up, logged in SL and i was just a pair of eyes and a name tag. I'm such an airhead i went and made coffee waiting for myself to rez......15mins went by. Then the feeling of dread crept in. The floor of my house was covered in bags and boxes (and empty bottles). Whilst under the influence of too much alcohol, I had left Racks Gentleman's Club and went body shopping.
It soon dawned on me that i had lost my body. I was amazed that someone could push my buttons enough for me to try and conform and look acceptable to the new Sl community. Yet here i was just a pair of creepy eyes and a name. I went back to bed, admitted defeat and watched a lot of you tube tutorials on how to fix the problem.
It took me a week running in and out of all these different shops. Body shops, Head shops, Face shops, more Skin shops, Hair shops, it was endless but finally i got there.
I even saw the Werewolf from the film 'An American Werewolf in London' at Etre and Doux. I have no idea if he bought his hair there or was maybe going for a new look, who knows?
The message is clear oldies and newbies. The place has changed. Get gorgeous or go home :)
Lots of love
Natalie xx
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